i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
