My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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