Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
