Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
