yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
