she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
