Ambien. No doubt about it.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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