Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
