Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
