I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
