Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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