You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
