can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
