I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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