Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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