My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
