Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
