So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
