Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
