Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
