Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
they need to just BURY HIM!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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