I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
