I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
