need another drink. this is the easiest way
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Randomize
