i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
