so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
