C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
