brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
