Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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