There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I have demons in me.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
