you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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