Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
