the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
she peed on how many people?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
