Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
