you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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