can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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