I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
