What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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