I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
