Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
