just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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