People with herpes should wear stickers.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize