so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
