im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
