cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
