Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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