So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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