were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize