i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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