i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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