It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
