Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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