guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
