i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
