Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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