so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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