We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It's blow job season.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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