I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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