I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
