yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize