and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
