his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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