Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
