Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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