cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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