; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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