Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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