so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
