I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
