remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
