Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
