happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
