So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I didn't notice because vodka
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
