I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
